As a former career woman who was used to the reward and remuneration culture of the professional world I have spent most of my adult life working to fulfill a set of criteria. These were usually laid down by the people at the top of the organisation and would qualify you for financial rewards or career advancement. But now I find myself operating in a rather different world! Like many women with a degree and successful career behind them, I now find myself in a remarkably similar position to my mother, looking after my family and home. That is not somewhere I ever imagined I would find myself.
As I battle with the weekly laundry mountain and plough through bills and letters from the tax office, I frequently ask myself, "How did this happen?" Then I remind myself that our life is significantly less manic than when we both worked full time, juggled the childcare with business trips and driving through volumes of traffic. I’m very relieved we do not live like that anymore. However in order to ensure my efforts to keep the children clothed and bathed, the bills paid on time and the house from disappearing under a carpet of cat hairs are appreciated, I remind my husband regularly how lucky he is not to have to worry about such domestic things.
This leads to further deliberations regarding “performance related bonuses” for general housework, household administration and childcare duties! The fact remains that most women, working in or outside the home, do a large amount of the caring, cleaning and clearing up. When I chat to friends I find invariably they have taken up a variety of roles in addition to their “day job” in order to keep their home life going - social secretary, financial controller, animal care and control etc. Since those working for organisations with performance assessments and related pay perks/bonuses etc are getting rewarded for good work I think its time we got in on the action for our oft-ignored contributions to a greater quality of life for our partners, friends and families.
So I propose a bonus scheme for our unrecognised efforts, but the beauty of this scheme is that it will be designed and managed by us! I am setting out a new range of performance indicators that can be rewarded by the things that keep you sane, relaxed and in touch with what matters to you. My rewards come in the form of nights out with the girls or nights in with a good DVD and a bottle of wine. A yoga class, a trip to the hairdressers or some retail therapy can all be included in the “bonus package” plus the essential one for all mothers - time spent with other mums to enable adult conversation to take place while the kids entertain each other.
My friends regularly provide several of those rewards for me. The monthly coffee mornings I attend are a great way to catch up with other women who are in a similar situation. Girls' nights out are another way to keep up with my friends who are not free during the day, plus you can have a conversation without being interrupted to change a nappy. Finally, the life saver for those of us with under 5s, the mums and tots group where we gather with our “little angels” and let them entertain one another while catching up with other mummies and trading sanity tips for life with small people in the house.
There are a range of other activities I aspire to add to my regular list of “bonus scheme” outings once both my little darlings are safely tucked away at school during the week. A reading group (I can dream of having time to read!) or craft group are on my list of performance related rewards - once I’ve found out how to find that 25th hour in everyday! So ladies, when the pile of paperwork is making your heart sink or the washing seems never-ending, make sure you check your diary and find time to do something for yourself. Because you’re worth it!
Erica Gray - Erica is a writer and environmental consultant who juggles her passion for working with the demands of her two small children.
